So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I believe in your delicious
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
