im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
