i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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