it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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