I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
