i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
