fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
