I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
