dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
