i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So. Much. Porn.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
