none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
