He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
