When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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