By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
