FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
