It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
