I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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