I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
