How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bring money and cleavage
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
