My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
