census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
