literally had 100 drinks last night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
