Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
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I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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