if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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