just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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