i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Terrible idea I love it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
