he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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