My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
