How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
