I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
