I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
