I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize