Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
