I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just google imaged poop.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
