i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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