I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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