Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Im part way to drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
