he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Bring me that man meat
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
