North Korea, Best Korea!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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