Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
