Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
