Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
