I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
