I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
