I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
