Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
