I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
