dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
