a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need mimosas to revive my soul
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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