sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
