this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
