my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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