I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
