I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
