It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
