He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
