She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
