so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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