i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
