There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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