All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize