I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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