It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
