he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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