the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
