dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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