im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im holly from the hills drunk
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
