ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
