i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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