I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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