all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
