Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
