I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize