I have demons in me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
