I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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