last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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