Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
