it's not cheating when I paid for it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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