last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
