Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
