College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
