Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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