I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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