this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
