they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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