Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
